Press Release

Talking To Children about Family Members in Recovery

By Veronica Hart MS, NCAC II

Today Alcoholism and Drug Addiction are having a profound affect on families. Research indicates children who cope most effectively with the trauma of growing up in families affected by alcoholism or drug addiction often attribute their sense of well being to the support of a non-addicted parent, a step-parent, grandparent, teacher, or some other important adult in their lives. Trusted and respected individuals in a child’s life are in a special position to provide age appropriate information about the disease of addiction.

What do you tell children when one or both of their parents, a brother, sister, grandparent, family member or friend is an alcoholic or addict? You tell them the truth.

• Addiction is a disease. The people in their lives who are alcoholics or addicts are not “bad” people. They have a disease called Addiction. The person is ill. Addiction makes people unable to control their use. It is an illness that cannot be controlled through willpower alone. Sometimes it takes a person a long time to realize the damage to themselves and those around them brought about by their addiction.

• They are not alone. Many children live with the chaos of fighting; promises made and not fulfilled, confusion, and unpredictability. They sometimes feel guilt, embarrassment, shame, and try to keep and protect the “family secret” of addiction.

• It is not their fault. It has been suggested by The National Association for Children of Alcoholics that children learn the Seven “C’s” of Addiction:

I didn’t CAUSE it.

I can’t CURE it.

I can’t CONTROL it.

I can CARE for myself

By COMMUNICATING my feelings,

Making healthy CHOICES, and

By CELEBRATING myself.

• It’s okay to talk. Children need to be encouraged and helped to find someone they trust to talk to about the problems they experience. Having someone they can talk with helps children feel less isolated, alone, and scared.

• It’s okay to talk about your feelings. It is important that children have someone they can communicate their feelings with safely. Someone that can let them know it is okay to feel sad, scared, angry, hurt, confused, and alone. It is okay to cry.

What do you say to children when you are the family member in recovery? You tell them the truth. Recovery offers an opportunity to create positive change in family relationships and with the family as a whole.

No matter what age, children need to hear these statements of reassurance often:

I love you

I am sorry.

You’re not at fault.

I am responsible for my addiction and now my recovery

I would like this family to break the chain of addiction, and I believe we can.

It is important to remember whether you are the person in recovery, a family member or friend the more you understand about the disease of addiction and recovery the greater resource you are for the children in your life and community. Remember talking to children about addiction and recovery is a process. Opportunities come up naturally and spontaneously, and other times may need to be more intentional. Being willing to give your time, listen, give validation and assurance can have a very positive impact on a child’s life.

If you have questions please remember the many community resources available: Community Drug and Alcohol Agencies, The Ellensburg Public Library, AA, NA, Alanon, and the following websites.

Veronica Hart is a psychotherapist and State and National Certified Addiction Counselor in Ellensburg. Alternatives: Center for Change is the name of her practice.

The Kittitas County Community Network/Drug Free Communities Coalition and the Community Network agency, through a federal Drug Free Communities grant, are implementing the “Start Talking Before They Start Drinking” campaign as a community service for parents. For more information go to www.kccn-dfc.com.