Press Release

Guide Your Teen

My name is Kathy Mandelas and I am a parent. I believe this article really addresses an important topic for families with teenagers. Communication and clear rules and expectations are essential for a strong, healthy, and happy family.

Expectations and rules provide support and structure for young people dealing with new situations and challenges. Expectations help you define the broad standards of behavior you expect from your teen. Rules bring your expectations to life, such as requiring your teen to be home at a certain hour. Rules and their consequences provide a concrete way to help your kids understand your expectations and learn self-control.

Communicating your expectations is an important first step. Your teen may have a good sense of your attitudes about alcohol use, but if you haven’t clearly spelled out your expectations, you are missing an opportunity. They need to know exactly where you stand.

Sitting down with your teen opens the door to an important conversation about risky behaviors. Clear expectations about risk-taking define limits for your teen and help prepare them for responding to temptation or a risky choice.

While expectations are important, they may leave some room for interpretation. This is why rules about specific behaviors, actions and responsibilities help ensure there’s no confusion. When it comes to rules, you’ll get some pushback from your teen, but most kids expect their parents to set some limits. If your teen protests, be respectful, listen and explain your reasoning.

• Focus on setting rules for safety with an emphasis on providing guidance rather than using power and/or issuing punishment.
• Provide opportunities for give-and take. Allow your teen to weigh in on some of the rules, but maintain the final say.
• Be firm, but not overly restrictive or intrusive.
• Set some fixed “house rules” regarding health and safety first, and then negotiate others with your teen. Be willing to renegotiate rules as your teen shows more maturity and responsibility.
• Be specific when it comes to rules about substance use.

Keep in mind that it’s important to communicate your expectations to parents of your teen’s friends it’s good for them to know where you stand. Finally, don’t forget to set clear consequences when you’re talking about rules. Consequences keep teens alert and mindful about breaking rules, and provide them with a believable excuse to give their peers when resisting risky behaviors.

· Try to keep consequences supportive; make sure they are about teaching.

· Consequences need to be practical for the parent. You must be able and willing to enforce them consistently if they are to be effective.

· Use the power of praise to reinforce positive behavior.

· Set some rewards and special privileges for your teen for following the rules.

Your teens will be more likely to accept and understand your rules if you take time to teach them about the values that are important to your family.

Information in this article was found in Navigating the Teen Years, written by the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign. You can also find this entire publication at www.kccn-dfc.com.

Kathy is the parent of a fifth grader at Lincoln and an eighth grader at Morgan Middle School and involved with the newly-formed Network Parent Committee.

The Kittitas County Community Network/Drug Free Communities Coalition and the Community Network agency, through a federal Drug Free Communities grant, are implementing the “Start Talking Before They Start Drinking” campaign as a community service for parents. For more information go to www.kccn-dfc.com.